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Predicting the 2020 #ThatsSoWhiteSox Headlines

A 162-game baseball season is sure to bring many exciting times, soul-crushing defeats, and flat-out laughable news blurbs.

It’s the dead of winter, but White Sox baseball weighs heavily on the mind. An underwhelming offseason thus far has the Sox On Tap crew disgruntled and frustrated. While the decade is turning, our feelings about the South Siders are not. During the 2019 season, our resident grouch #NegativeNonnie came up with a hashtag to describe and encompass all the unfortunate, disheartening, and stochastic events that take place surrounding our beloved baseball team — #ThatsSoWhiteSox.

The perfect example of a #ThatsSoWhiteSox sequence of events.

As the 2020 season approaches, Jonnie Nonnie and I couldn’t help but wonder: what kind of ridiculous shit will happen in the White Sox world to kick off the decade? Alas, we collaborated on a list of #ThatsSoWhiteSox headlines you could possibly see this season.

White Sox Sign Gio Gonzalez

On Tap Sports Net, 12/19/19

We kick things off before year’s end with an actual headline. Look, it’s not that Gio Gonzalez is a terrible depth option for the pitching staff. It is, however, the essence of #ThatsSoWhiteSox: former White Sox draft pick, traded away, reacquired, traded away again, now signed as a free agent. If you listened to Sox On Tap throughout the 2019 season, this signing should come as no shock to you because Jonnie has been predicting it since July.

White Sox Looking to Compete in 2020

NBC Sports Chicago, 2/17

Despite making only one “major” offseason move, the White Sox set out to have their first winning season in seven years.

suspicious will ferrell GIF

Luis Robert Injures Hand During Base Running Drills

The Athletic, 2/20

It wouldn’t be Spring Training without a dumb Luis Robert hand injury. Let’s see how long this sets him out for.

Photo: USA Today

Jake Burger Nearing Return

MLB.com, 3/9

Stop us if you’ve heard this one before.

Photo: Ron Vesely/Getty Images

Covey, Detwiler Battling for Final Rotation Spot

NBC Sports Chicago, 3/16

If at any point during the offseason you murmured “Ryu is too old and injury-prone,” “Bumgarner’s impending regression isn’t worth big money,” “David Price is over the hill,” “we don’t need Wade Miley,” or “the 2021 free agent class will be more worthwhile anyway,” this one’s for you.

i hate you middle finger GIF

Danny Mendick Named Starting Second Baseman

The Athletic, 3/19

Guess Nick Madrigal won’t break camp with the big league club after all.

Mazara Proving Impactful During Spring Training

Chicago Tribune, 3/21

He just surpassed Yonder Alonso’s Spring Training home run total from last year!

Photo: Jason O. Watson/Getty Images

Delmonico Says South Side ‘Feels Like Home’ After Resurgent Spring

NBC Sports Chicago, 3/24

At least the chicks dig him.

white sox wink GIF by NBC Sports Chicago

Opening Day Snowed Out

Chicago Sun-Times, 3/26

Bear White Sox weather.

americans GIF

Royals Spoil Sox Home Opener 4-0

Chicago Tribune, 3/27

No bat flips today.

share anyone GIF

Luis Robert Suffers Setback After Spring Training Injury

NBC Sports Chicago, 4/6

Not service time-related…

ok thumbs up GIF

Kopech Dominates Norfolk as he Looks Forward to Big League Return

MLB Pipeline, 4/13

The Knights are going to the playoffs this year.

Mazara Not Phased by Early Struggles

NBC Sports Chicago, 4/22

Really taking the Alonso plan to heart here.

Photo: Jason Miller/Getty Images

Jimenez to IL After Outfield Collision with Engel

Chicago Tribune, 4/28

Sheeeeeiiiiitttt.

Video: NBC Sports Chicago

Grandal Home Run Lone Bright Spot as White Sox Get Thumped by O’s

Chicago Sun-Times, 5/2

A #ThatsSoWhiteSox loss.

Photo: Evan Habeeb/USA TODAY Sports

Machado Walks Off Sox

The San Diego Union-Tribune, 5/11

Ah, that Padres series in May…

Tatis Walks Off Sox

The San Diego Union-Tribune, 5/12

Salt in the wound. Wonder what James Shields is up to?

Renteria Pleased With Effort so Far

Chicago Tribune, 5/18

19-28. Only nine games under… still a chance.

hopeful jim carrey GIF

Lucas Giolito: “2019 was no Fluke,” Looks to get Back on Track After Rough Start to Year

The Athletic, 5/23

Regression is a bitch.

the office bj novak GIF

Michael Kopech Joins the White Sox Talk Podcast to Discuss Charlotte Success, Working on Durability

NBC Sports Chicago, 5/28

JFC, it’s the last week of May.

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Yolmer Back to the South Side?

MLB Trade Rumors, 6/2

Slow start for Mendick? Where’s Madrigal? Not a service time-related potential signing here.

white sox baseball GIF by NBC Sports Chicago

Lopez Dominates Tigers in Complete Game Shutout

Chicago Tribune, 6/7

9 IP, 2 H, 0 ER, 1 BB, 2 H, 15 K. The annual ReyLo game.

american horror GIF

Cheslor Cuthbert Goes Deep in White Sox Debut

Chicago Sun-Times, 6/11

Savvy signings only on the South Side.

cheslor cuthbert thumbs up GIF by MLB

Sox Sweep ‘Stros as .500 Looks Possible

NBC Sports Chicago, 6/14

Feels like ’05.

excited ric flair GIF

Kopech Patient as he Waits for Call

Chicago Tribune, 6/17

How long do we have to watch Dylan Covey? We’re near .500 for fuck’s sake.

waiting GIF

Covey Struggles as Sox Fall Short of .500

Chicago Sun-Times, 6/19

Where the hell is Odrisamer Despaigne when you need him?

Photo: Quinn Harris/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

Basabe’s Birmingham Struggles Continue

Future Sox, 6/22

But will he get the Futures Game nod?

Photo: WhiteSox/Twitter

NWI Steve Takes Top Spot on #DollarDog Leaderboard

From The 108, 6/24

Champ.

Rodon Begins Rehab Stint at Kannapolis

NBC Sports Chicago, 6/26

So he should be back in the rotation soon, right?

Photo: Kcannonballers/Twitter

Dane Dunning Won’t Join AZL White Sox, Hopeful for Fall League

MLB Pipeline, 6/29

Things are going great down on the farm these days.

Jake Burger Nears Return

NBC Sports Chicago, 7/1

Stop us if you’ve heard this before.

Photo: Ron Vesely/Getty Images

James McCann Lone White Sox All-Star

Chicago Sun-Times, 7/6

Who woulda thought?

Photo: AP

Anderson “Not Happy” Being Benched after 0-20 Stretch

The Athletic, 7/10

Rough go of it at the plate lately, but at least his defense is much improved.

Why Lucas Giolito Will Dominate the Second Half

Jordan Lazowski/Sox On 35th, 7/15

You know what, he probably will. That’s the Crazy Marchese Effect: talk enough smack about said player and then he goes on a tear.

good for you GIF by NBC Sports Chicago

Mazara to IL After Off-Field Injury During All-Star Break

The Athletic, 7/16

Hopefully it’s nothing serious.

family guy knee injury GIF

White Sox Purchase Contract of Daniel Palka

MLB Trade Rumors, 7/19

PALKAMANIA 2.0

slim shady eminem GIF

Cease Shines Versus Former Club

Chicago Tribune, 7/21

First Eloy, now Cease. Wonder who won that deal?

major league baseball sport GIF by MLB

See, it’s not all negative!

Rick Hahn Patient as Trade Deadline Approaches

MLB Trade Rumors, 7/27

Only five games out of the Central lead, but no urgency here.

White Sox Quiet at Deadline, Looking Ahead to 2021 Offseason

Chicago Sun-Times, 7/31

Context: Mookie Betts went for literally nothing, Robert isn’t up, and Engel is still your everyday center fielder.

Photo: USA Today

Rodon Rejoins Sox as Giolito Heads to IL

The Athletic, 8/3

Great, so Covey is still fucking here.

battlefield 1 update GIF

White Sox Attendance Up for Second Straight Year

Chicago Tribune, 8/7

Paul Sullivan wrote this one.

Photo: Patrick Gorski/USA TODAY Sports

Jake Burger Nears Return

NBC Sports Chicago, 8/10

But how close is he to actually playing in a game?

Photo: Ron Vesely/Getty Images

Cole, Yankees Cruise Past White Sox at Field of Dreams

New York Post, 8/13

You knew the White Sox meant business in 2020 when they announced the Field of Dreams game last year.

Photo: LandoJQuintana/Twitter

Kopech Throws Second Straight Complete Game Shutout

NBC Sports Chicago, 8/21

For the Knights.

“Madrigal Magic”

Chicago Tribune, 8/25

Rookie second baseman shines in debut with White Sox by going 4-4. All singles.

Photo: NBC Sports Chicago

Sale Shuts Down White Sox

The Athletic, 8/27

5.5 games back at this point.

chris sale smh GIF by MLB

PALK-OFF: Palka Walks Off Astros

NBC Sports Chicago, 8/29

Everybody deserves a third chance.

run home GIF by MLB

Robert, Kopech to Join White Sox for Final Stretch

MLB.com, 8/31

Hey, hey! September call-ups!

sarcastic clap GIF by Chuey Martinez

Renteria Defends Decision to Bunt

Chicago Sun-Times, 9/3

But why is our only All-Star bunting?

Photo: Jeff Haynes/Associated Press

Nomar Mazara Yet to Resume Baseball Activity

Chicago Sun-Times, 9/7

At least we didn’t give up much for him.

arms folds GIF by MLB

Walker, Texas Ranger: Rookie Outfielder Crushes Walk-Off Home Run in MLB Debut

Dallas Morning News, 9/13

Rick Hahn will miss tomorrow’s media session due to an unspecified illness.

mean girls wink GIF

Cease Scratched from Start, Shut Down for Season

The Athletic, 9/15

Hobbling to the finish line, per usual.

finish line win GIF

Father Figure Abreu Disappointed in Down Year but Happy for Young Teammates

NBC Sports Chicago, 9/20

Yoan Moncada is now addicted to Red Man.

the sandlot chewing tobacco GIF

Michael Kopech Effective in Bullpen Role

Chicago Tribune, 9/23

Just how we planned it.

white sox clap GIF by NBC Sports Chicago

Rick Hahn: Full Confidence in Renteria for 2021

Chicago Sun-Times, 9/25

Patience is a virtue.

Flexing Rick Renteria GIF by MLB

White Sox Finish Strong, Excited for Next Step

The Athletic, 9/27

Finished in second place, 6.5 games back of Minnesota. Jerry got exactly what he wanted.

Photo: Abel Uribe/Chicago Tribune

White Sox 2021 Free Agent Outlook: Trevor Bauer

NBC Sports Chicago, 9/29

Time is a flat circle.

true detective country accent GIF

Sometimes, the only way to cope with being a White Sox fan is by laughing at the ridiculous occurrences surrounding the team. A 162-game baseball season is sure to bring many exciting times, soul-crushing defeats, and flat-out laughable news blurbs. We hope you got a good laugh out of our attempt to encompass all of those potential happenings in this satirical exercise.

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