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Heavy is the Head that Wears the Corona

Dr Schwa is here to prescribe more Corona, not less.

Photo: Getty Images

Not unlike my misuse of the Shakespeare quote in the title, Americans don’t quite seem to understand what’s going on with COVID-19, known colloquially as the Coronavirus. It’s not tough to see why either, with all the varying reports coming our way from every form of media. That said, I’m here to go to bat for Corona Beer, caught in the crosshairs of this public health nightmare. As such, I’ll pop off my Grandpa Schwartzy hat in exchange for my Dr. Schwa scrubs.

A recent study conducted by 5W Public Relations showed that 4% of regular Corona drinkers would stop drinking the beer altogether and 14% wouldn’t order it in a public venue. This is madness to me. Not ordering in public? What are you honestly afraid of happening?

“Hey, can I get a Corona?”
“Light or Extra?”
“Oh my God honey, that guy just asked the bartender for the Coronavirus, and he wants to know how much virus to give!”

Grow up, Peter Pan.

If anything, you should be drinking MORE Corona, not less. It is without a doubt the most sterile Corona-related item in the world. You want an added health bonus? That lime wedge can help you fend off Scurvy. Trust me, I’m a doctor (today).

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Schwartzy is a DILF and (participation) trophy husband. More Splenda Daddy than Sugar. I do the twitter, hit me up! @drschwa_96

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