The last two days have been unlike anything we have ever seen before. The world seems to be in an all-around panic. The Coronavirus has taken the world by storm and has all but killed our beloved sports. No sports fan wants to ever live in a world without sports but here we are.
I’ve always been someone who likes to stay true to my three favorite sports. Hockey, football, and baseball are what drive me. Luckily, there are essentially zero days a year where these sports do not take place.
Sports give people an escape from their lives. Sports bring a joy that regular day activities could never dream of bringing. Sports also bring heartbreak, but we deal with it because we let those we love make us vulnerable. A world without sports is one that nobody wants to experience, but in the world of the Coronavirus, it is indeed one we live in.
So, what in the hell does one do with their life without sports? Where do we go, what do we see, and God all-mighty, what the hell do we talk about? To wrap up March, I had tickets to two White Sox games and two Blackhawks games. My month as I knew it no longer ceases to exist.
Sports are everything. While hockey, football, and baseball are mainstays, I’d even turn to basketball, tennis, or lacrosse if they were gone. Hell, I might even turn a Nascar race on. However, all of these are gone. Golf is gone. No sports are left. What the hell do we do?
As Lupe Fiasco said, however, the show goes on. We must prevail because that is what the clutch athletes of our generation would have wanted. Kobe Bryant didn’t put five rings on his fingers by giving up. Patrick Kane didn’t make skating the Stanley Cup around ice native to Philadelphia, Boston, and Chicago normal by calling it quits. The show must go on, so I present you with some alternatives to the great world of sports.
Live from Chicago, It’s the Top 10 Things to do Without Sports….
10. Actually Try at Your Job
We’re all guilty of not giving one hundred percent at our job. This could be due to a multitude of reasons. One could be that you don’t like your boss or you simply do not enjoy what it is you do for a living.
However, the more likely scenario is that sports are distracting you from your work. This happens every single day. “Who did the Bears sign in free agency?” “What is the score of the Hawks game?” You have to know these answers almost immediately, so paying attention to work can grow challenging. In a world without sports, you can throw work back onto the front-burner and maybe fool your boss into a promotion.
9. Live in the Glory Days of Your Favorite Team’s Past
YouTube is phenomenal in the sense that every moment you want to relive is readily available. During this stretch without sports, you are going to have withdrawals. This detox of sports is never going to be easy. But guess what? They are coming back, so a little relapse isn’t going to hurt anyone.
Pound that YouTube app button on your phone. Type in “2015 Chicago Blackhawks highlights” and soak it all in. While the present might be able to steal your joy, there’s nothing quite like living in the past. Go back and live in a world where your team was not only actually playing games, but was on the top of the world.
PS: Sorry Detroit Lions fans, I know this scenario doesn’t exist for you and I am truly sorry for the reminder.
8. Spend Some Much Needed Time With Your Dog
Chances are probably high that you don’t deserve your dog. If you are a sports fan, I guarantee you don’t deserve your dog. How many times have we told our dog to hold on to go outside until a commercial break from the game?
When you think about it, it’s kind of messed up. But, you can only realize that in a world without sports. We rationalize the shit out of putting the game first because the team needs you. They might lose if you aren’t watching from the couch. Hell, the dog can wait a few seconds. Well, without sports, it’s time to get off your ass, take man’s best friend for a walk and toss a ball around. They deserve it, you asshole.
7. Watch Whatever God-Awful TV Show it is That Your Significant Other Wants You to Watch With Them
Now is a great time to gain some brownie points with your wife/girlfriend. Two days ago, we sure as hell weren’t watching Grey’s Anatomy or The Bachelor. However, with no hockey, basketball, football, or baseball, we could probably consider it.
Sure, this is still going to be torture. In fact, it’s going to be even worse while knowing sports aren’t an option. However, if there was ever a time to give in on this, now is that time. At least while you’re watching you’ll know you aren’t missing a big goal or the last shot. Give the Mrs. this one little thing and they won’t be able to ask you for shit for quite some time.
6. Cancel Your TV Subscription
As a matter of fact, maybe we just get rid of television for a little bit. Hell, the only thing you’re probably using live TV for these days is sports. Guess what? Sports is gone for the time being.
Don’t give those greedy bastards at Dish Network, Comcast, and Direct TV your hard-earned money for no reason. Keep your Netflix and binge-watch Breaking Bad. Hang on to Hulu and catch up on most of your regular shows. However, without sports, there’s no need to keep your TV provider in the picture.
5. Learn How to Cook, for the Love of God
Listen, the only way in hell the likes of Applebee’s is still in business is because you jackasses don’t know how to cook. One trip to Applebee’s should be enough. You should have eaten that food, said “this is brutal,” and never went back.
However, since half of you idiots don’t know what good food is or how to cook it, shitty restaurants get to stay in business. Take a cooking class. Ask your mom to teach you. Watch Hell’s Kitchen. Do something, because the world of bad food we live in is downright embarrassing. Keep yourself busy.
4. Show Your Loved Ones That You Actually Aren’t a Lunatic
Sports bring out the worst in us. Bad call by the ref? Yell at the television set. Your head coach has his head up his ass? Let a good scream out. Lose the game at the last second? Well, somebody’s going to hear about it.
To a non-sports fan, these moments of weakness will probably make our family love us less. They will think we absolutely aren’t one hundred percent “okay.” However, as this sports hiatus takes place, this is our time to shine and pretend to be normal. Cheers to saving relationships!
3. Just Go Ahead and Ignore all of Your Co-Workers
Sports were made to drive water-cooler talk. That Monday after the Super Bowl, Chad from accounting, who didn’t watch one football game all year, is going to try and talk about the game with you. It’s brutal, but you tolerate it because at least it’s sports.
Chad is brutal though. Nobody wants to talk about life with him. If there’s no football or hockey to talk about, what on Earth does Chad have to bring to the table? Nothing. Just avoid the conversations altogether, they’ll only piss you off more during this tough time.
2. Binge-Watch a Great TV Series (New Girl)
Nothing in this world can bring you joy quite like sports can. However, a great television series can certainly hold you over while sports are “on a break.” Follow a thriller and stay intrigued to the end. Watch a comedy and laugh so much you forget (kind of) that sports are gone. Jump in bed with a love-story that makes you feel shit that sports can’t even provide.
That’s where New Girl comes in. First and foremost, this series will have your stomach in pain you’ll be laughing so much. Nick Miller and Jessica Day’s love story will make you think that nothing else in the world even matters. Nick’s drunken wit is just what you need on the rainy day that is the death of sports.
1. Let’s Drink
This almost feels like a bad breakup, even though we know that within a short period of time, we’ll be getting back together. However, in the meantime, this is still gut-wrenching. This hurts. Depression will set in. We won’t know what to do. Alcohol is the answer.
That first sip of beer is still, to this day, undefeated. The first shot on the course of a long night is the driving force towards plenty of bad decisions. Alcohol is life’s lubricant and we need if now more than ever. Sports are dead for the time being, and we all need a drink. Crack Um early and Crack Um often, because there is a void to fill.
People, we can do this. If we could watch Aaron Rodgers celebrate on a frozen Soldier Field en route to the Super Bowl a decade ago, we can get past this. If we could live through Alec Martinez sending the Kings to the Stanley Cup Final in Game 7 of the Western Conference Final on United Center ice in 2014, we can live through anything.
Sports fans are nothing if not resilient. Our teams routinely rip out hearts out, but we always get back up. We get hurt over and over again but we still show up the next day to root the boys on. Sports made us strong, and we have the strength to live without them for a little while. Until we meet you again, sports.