After Friday night’s Chicago Bulls vs. Milwaukee Bucks game, the NBA community was generally enraged at Grayson Allen for adding yet another chapter to his career-long novel of dirty plays. It’s almost like he forgets he is a basketball player whenever he takes to the hardwood.
Droves of hoops fans are calling on the NBA to hand Allen a suspension. Some have even gone as far as saying he doesn’t deserve an NBA career. As a Bulls fan still licking his wounds in wake of the Alex Caruso injury news, the latter suggestion sounds pretty good right now.
Alas, here are some other occupations Grayson Allen could take up that would better fit his personality.
Packers Linebacker
It’s evident Allen loves excessive contact and throwing people to the ground. Football may be his calling. That NFL team up in Green Bay allegedly has (had?) a great offense led by Aaron Rodgers but just needs a bully on defense. Allen can hit whoever he wants in this new line of work. Hopefully he doesn’t turn into Vontaze Burfict, but that may be a tough ask.
Used Car Salesman
After all these dirty plays, Allen somehow thinks he has the stones to sell them as “accidents.” If he thinks he’s that good at selling shit, he should bust his chops on a used car lot.
Budtender
If Grayson Allen is that adamant about giving people a good trip, this one may be less physically harmful. Now that marijuana is legal recreationally in some states, Allen could open up his own shop.
Human Speed Bump
Allen has an affinity for throwing driving humans off their course. This job requires no skill of any kind, which fits his resume perfectly.
Bucks Social Media Admin
If Allen isn’t looking to move at all, there could potentially be a job opening right in Milwaukee on the Bucks social media team. The morning after Allen fractured Caruso’s wrist on a reckless flagrant-2 foul, the Bucks Twitter account fired off a “good morning” post of Grayson Allen eating a donut.
The insinuation behind the post didn’t sit right with Bulls fans. Once the severity of Caruso’s injury was made public, the video was quickly removed.
Hopefully Allen’s “trigger fingers” are better “Twitter fingers”.
Boxer: Jake Paul’s Next Opponent
This one is a match made in heaven. Both guys pretend to be athletes, love hitting people, and are widely disliked. For the general public’s sake, hopefully both fighters find a way to lose so they can finally disappear from the news cycle.
Lakers Assistant General Manager
Based on the optics of Friday night’s incident, it was evident Grayson Allen had little regard for Alex Caruso, similar to how the Lakers front office approached the possibility of retaining Caruso in the offseason. Allen could easily handle the scrutiny of working for the Lakers due to his overwhelmingly apathetic personality.
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