Well White Sox fans, we were robbed. A busy offseason of signings and high hopes had us dreaming of one day: Thursday, March 26th. That day is, of course, today, and it would have been Opening Day for the Major League Baseball season. However, with the season being postponed due to COVID-19 precautions, we do not get to experience Opening Day today.
This is like a little kid waking up on Christmas morning and his parents took the tree down, there's no presents or anything. Hey, but don't worry, kid. Christmas is just postponed, we'll let you know when it's happening soon.
This was the most anticipated baseball season for White Sox fans in years. The roster was vastly improved and infused with young talent. We were ready to see our newest Chicago star sporting number 88 on his back blossom. All of that has been put on hold.
Any Sox fan who's saying they aren't feeling down today is probably lying a little bit. Baseball fans wait all winter for Opening Day. This day doesn't just signal baseball, but it also signals that spring is near and summer is right behind it.
The grills should be fired up and several beers should have been cracked. You and your buddies should be digging into that cooler for a few Jell-O shots. Your nostrils should be clogged with the smell of charcoal grills burning through the morning. However, today we do not get that. We are only left with ten thoughts about this tragic day.
10. My Job Better Not Expect Shit out of me Today
Now, any good Sox fan had March 26th taken off work months ago. However, when news came down that baseball would be postponed, we all made that slow walk into our respective boss's office to cancel our paid time off request. We'll call that the Opening Day walk of shame.
So, as we return to work on a day we should be grilling, drinking, and watching baseball, are we really expected to work? This seems inhumane. Perhaps we still should have just kept the day off and sulked at home instead.
9. Well, At Least There's Still Hockey... Oh, Wait
No baseball? Well, just turn the Hawks game on. Oh, they're not playing either? Well, what the hell are we supposed to do? There aren't too many good options. You can't even go to the bar to drink away your sorrows. Talking to your loved ones might have to be the move.
Opening Day is also great because it signals that the Stanley Cup Playoffs are near. It's probably fair to say that most Sox fans are also Hawks fans. Some of us are really looking forward to the playoffs and Opening Day means they're very close. Well, not this year.
8. Hey Siri, Google Cuban Sandwiches in Chicago
Guaranteed Rate Field is home to some of the greatest stadium food in professional sports. They have literally everything you can imagine and none of it disappoints. Nothing beats the Cuban Comet Sandwich, however.
It is so simple yet incredibly good. It's great sober, but it's even better after you just polished off a 12-pack in Lot B. Pile several globs of mustard on this bad boy, throw it down the hatch, and you are ready for a few $10 beers and nine innings.
7. What are Cubs Fans Going to do Without Their Ultra-Original Attendance Jokes?
Simply put, Cubs fans are the worst. Some of them are tolerable, but the vast majority are absolutely insufferable. As a fanbase, they claim to the high heavens that they don't care about the White Sox. Someone call Maury Povich and his lie-detector test because I think they're full of shit.
The attendance champions on the North Side love to give Sox fans shit for not showing up. Cool, sorry we don't have tourists, sorority girls posing for Instagram, and guys in pink shorts and sandals selling out our stadium. But, I feel for the Cubs fans, what are they going to do without their one joke?
6. I Have no Interest in a Summer Opening Day
Part of Opening Day is the struggle. You should feel slightly uncomfortable standing in the parking lot before the game. Beers should be consumed in part to keep you warm. We waited all winter for this shit, is a little cold weather going to stop us?
90 degrees on Opening Day feels wrong. We should be worried about the forecast two weeks ahead of time. Everyone should have to bring a pop-up canopy to the tailgate in anticipation of the weather. Opening Day in July, no thank you. Bring on the snow.
5. Of Course it was Going to Rain
Yes, that is today's forecast in Chicago. Look, it isn't White Sox Opening Day unless there is rain or snow in the forecast. It's become something of a tradition. You know, like the last five years straight or some shit.
And the thing with this forecast is that we would have taken it. The rain started, at the earliest, at 2:00 PM. We would have had a completely dry tailgate in the upper 30s. That's what we call a win. A little drizzle during the game? No big deal.
4. We Might Burn Lot B to the Ground When Opening Day Actually Gets Here
Imagine the scene at bars across this country when they finally open their doors back up. That first Saturday they're open is going to be crazy. Well, Sox fans felt like March 26th was too long of a wait for our tailgating to start up.
Extend that into mid-summer and we are going to throw a party to put every other party in Chicago to shame. Bring every grill, cooler, and bags set to Lot B. We are having an absolute banger and nobody can stop us.
3. So do I cook 35 Brats for Myself, or?
One of the best parts of tailgating in firing up the grill and cooking for the group. You wrap those onions up in a tinfoil packet, slap the brats, dogs, and burgers on the grill and let the magic happen.
The grill is a vital part of the tailgate. If it's cold outside, it provides warmth. Nobody should drink on an empty stomach. Also, the charcoal burning smell is symbolic of White Sox baseball. Thank about it, you have never walked into the stadium on the South Side without that smell. Brats were supposed to be on the menu today.
2. Fuck it, Where do I get one of Those Grilled Onion-Scented Candles?
There is no better smell in the world than walking into Comiskey Park and smelling those grilled onions. That is what baseball is supposed to smell like. That is what every sports stadium in the world should smell like. The United Center doesn't have it. Soldier Field? Nope. Wrigley couldn't even dream of having this smell.
The smell of grilled onions is unmatched and it's one of the most underrated parts of Opening Day. You haven't been able to walk into the stadium and get smacked in the face by that smell since September. Every home seems to have its own unique smell, and for Sox fans, as soon as that grilled onion scent comes across their nostrils, they know they're home.
1. It's Noon, Why am I not Drunk?
Opening Day on the South Side is like goddamn Mardi Gras in New Orleans. No beer is safe. There aren't enough garbage cans in Lot B to fit all of the empty cans. There is no such thing as arriving with a half-full cooler. You come prepared.
Nothing pairs better with a baker's dozen of beers than a couple, two, three Jell-O shots. Opening Day is one of the few days in America where it is socially acceptable to have a beer at 8:00 in the morning. What is better than that? You skip the coffee, crack a beer and get ready for the shit show. Drunk by noon is my favorite drunk, and Opening Day never fails to come through.
Opening Day should be a National Holiday. Baseball is America's pastime after all. Even if baseball isn't your favorite sport, no sport's first game of the season can compare to baseball. Spring is here, baseball is here, and it's time to celebrate. We were stripped of that this year and it really sucks.
However, we here at On Tap Sports Net have you covered. Join us tonight at 8:00 PM for our virtual tailgate. While we can't be together in Lot B getting drunk, we can do it online. The details are here and we hope to see you tonight. Stay safe, drink a few extra beers today, and GO SOX!